Hardened Hearts

Yesterday at work i experienced something that doesn’t happen to me every day for me.

There is a woman that has come in a few times to pay her credit card bill. I always thought there was something strange about her, but i was wrong. Out of foolishness i was judging her. When she comes in she always has something to tell me, usually its about how she’s doing, what she did that day, stuff like that. Well the more she came in the more appealing she became to me. Today when she came in she was talking about a movie she had just seen. It was a debate kind of movie about Creationism and Evolution. As she was talking I began to realize how i had been judging her this whole time and little did I know, she was a believer, not only that, but she is a very kind and thoughtful woman. Anyway, she was talking about how the evolutionists in the movie were so dead set on it they wouldn’t open their eyes to the truth. Then she began to talk about how their hearts were hardened. Right then I began to realize how my own heart has hardened. Since all that has happened in the last few years, i have hardened my heart to the Lord. Not letting him in and completely removing him from my life. Since my bother passes away ill I’ve had is anger towards God. She continued to talk and i continued to listen. The more i listened the more she touched me. By the way, this whole time she’s talking to me, she has no idea i’m a believer.

The last thing i’m going to tell you about is when she was talking about how its easier to deny it then to have faith in God. Which is so true! Everyday is a constant battle. Everyday its harder to be consistent in your walk with God.

Mom

This is for my Mom,

I’m sorry for things i’ve done latley. I didnt realize that moving out the way i did would hurt you. It was just too hard for me to be at home. Its hard to see you hurting and not being able to do anything about it, especially when i’m hurting too. I wanted to help you so bad but since there wasn’t anything i could do, it just made me hurt even more. I’m so thankful for everything you do for me and i feel like i don’t tell you enough. Yes i know i’m the rebel, problem child, whatever you want to call it out of Katie and i. I know that it probably just stresses you out even more, which i’m kind of sorry about 🙂 You are the strongest person i know. One thing I will never forget is when we were in the hospital and we were in the bathroom and i asked you why God would be putting you through this. You just looked at me and said.. I gave all of you kids to The Lord a long time ago, and whatever he choses to do with you i have to deal with. All i could do was wrap my arms around you and cry my eyes out. I couldn’t believe you were so strong! I know i definitely haven’t been as strong as you.

“He created everything there is. Nothing exists that he didn’t make. Life itself was in him, and this life gives light to everyone. The light shines through the darkness, and the darkness can never extinguish it.”

John 1:3-5

I love you Mom

Some things last forever

There are times when its hard,
really hard to be happy.
I shouldnt have to try so hard,
no body should.
But things happen that change lives,
sometimes for the better,
sometimes for the worst.
And when those things happen, we dont know how or what to feel.
People say you will get over it in time..screw that!
You and i both know that you never get over things like that,
they may get easier to deal with.. but you never get over it.
I’m tired of people trying to say,  “its just life.. people get over it”
Not everyone can pretend like theres nothing wrong.
I’ve changed..
I can never be that girl that i used to be again..
It just doesnt work that way..
I just have to keep telling myself that it will be ok..
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